


Nobody is Straight

by quicksilvermalec



Series: Shadowhunters Group Chatting [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: "I don't want the world. I want you.", Bisexual Jace Lightwood, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fuckin FIGHT me, GAY!!!, Jace is a Lightwood fight me, Lesbian Clary Fairchild, M/M, Pansexual Isabelle Lightwood, Pansexual Simon Lovelace, So yeah, alec is the gayest and he won't let you forget it, also jace and alec are lowkey trans, but really they're all gay, cause i'm trans, everything is gay, gay clary, groupchats, i just love that headcanon, i'll shut up and stop tagging nothing now, simon and clary are also alec's siblings, the whole world is gay, they're just gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 18:45:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18816832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilvermalec
Summary: [imintoblonds]is this really my life[imintoblonds]i fucking hate everything[#flamingbisexual]mood[moveimgay]relatable[doithetero]preach[imintoblonds]oh shit[imintoblonds]must… fix… misquote…[#flamingbisexual]???[moveimgay]*smirks*[imintoblonds]IS THIS THE REAL LIFE[moveimgay]IS THIS JUST FANTASY[#flamingbisexual]oh i see[#flamingbisexual]CAUGHT IN A LANDSLIDE NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY[watchmewhip]OPEN YOUR EYES[2fab4u]LOOK UP TO THE SKIES AND SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE





	Nobody is Straight

**Author's Note:**

> [Russian translation](http://ficbook.net/readfic/8265219) now available.

** Nobody Is Straight Groupchat **

_izzylightwood added aleclightwood to the chat!_  
_izzylightwood added jacelightwood to the chat!_  
_izzylightwood added claryfairchild to the chat!_  
_izzylightwood added simonlovelace to the chat!_  
_izzylightwood added magnusbane to the chat!_  
_izzylightwood changed her name to watchmewhip_

 **[watchmewhip]** guys I created a gay gc  
**[watchmewhip]** if you wanna be in my gay gc you need a silly user

_jacelightwood, simonlovelace, magnusbane, aleclightwood, and claryfairchild left the chat_

_watchmewhip added aleclightwood to the chat!_  
_watchmewhip added jacelightwood to the chat!_  
_watchmewhip added claryfairchild to the chat!_  
_watchmewhip added simonlovelace to the chat!_  
_watchmewhip added magnusbane to the chat!_

 **[watchmewhip]** and believe me, you’re GOING TO BE IN THIS GC

 **[claryfairchild]** *sigh*

_claryfairchild changed her name to moveimgay_

**[aleclightwood]** of course you’d cave she’s your gf

 **[moveimgay]** she’s your sister

 **[aleclightwood]** …

 _aleclightwood changed his name to doithetero_  
_jacelightwood changed his name to #flamingbisexual_  
_simonlovelace changed his name to imintoblonds_  
_magnusbane changed his name to 2fab4u_

 **[#flamingbisexual]** simon you misspelled ‘blondes’

 **[imintoblonds]** ‘blond’ is masculine ‘blonde’ is feminine

 **[doithetero]** nerd

 **[imintoblonds]** you know it ;-)

 **[#flamingbisexual]** sImOn DiD yOu JuSt CoMe OuT tO uS

 **[imintoblonds]** *shrug* ;-)  
**[imintoblonds]** pansexuals ftw

 **[watchmewhip]** PREACH

 **[#flamingbisexual]** *stares*  
**[#flamingbisexual]** *mind is blown*  
**[#flamingbisexual]** …  
**[#flamingbisexual]** is there a specific blond ur into  
**[#flamingbisexual]** or you’d like to be into ;-)

 **[doithetero]** and there’s the jace we all know and love

 **[imintoblonds]** yes to both

 **[2fab4u]** *eyeroll*

 **[doithetero]** mOVE i’M gAY

 **[moveimgay]** dO iT hEtErO

 **[doithetero]** hi-5 carrot

 **[moveimgay]** *obliges w/ smug expression*

 **[#flamingbisexual]** who says oblige in text????? -_- fml

 **[2fab4u]** *defensive* yeah well Jace and I are the bi squad  
**[2fab4u]** and sizzy are both pan  
**[2fab4u]** so really it all evens out

 **[doithetero]** *fake cries* why would you do this i thought you loved me

 **[2fab4u]** oh I do, Alec  
**[2fab4u]** I really do

***

 **[doithetero]** *dramatic sobbing*  
**[doithetero]** why does everything always just fall apart?????

 **[#flamingbisexual]** alec what happened

 **[doithetero]** my love  
**[doithetero]** *ignores jace*  
**[doithetero]** you have to go back to the world

 **[moveimgay]** *tiny gasp*  
**[moveimgay]** *cries*

 **[2fab4u]** but my alexander  
**[2fab4u]** I don’t want the world

 **[watchmewhip]** clary hold me  
**[watchmewhip]** *cries*

 **[2fab4u]** i want you

 **[moveimgay]** *holds you* *cries*

 **[#flamingbisexual]** -_-  
**[#flamingbisexual]** {attachment: 1 image}

 **[imintoblonds]** hahahaHAHAHAHAHA JACE LOOKS SO DONE OMG LMFAO IM DYING  
**[imintoblonds]** srsly tho will someone tell me what’s up with malec?

 **[doithetero]** really simon????? you too?????????  
**[doithetero]** clary and izzy were bad enough but YOU TOO??>???????>L>?:K:LK??s;djhfa;kjdf  
**[doithetero]** fuck it im out

_doithetero left the chat_

**[2fab4u]** *rolls eyes* by the fucking Angel alexander

_2fab4u added doithetero to the chat!_

**[#flamingbisexual]** …

 **[imintoblonds]** …  
**[imintoblonds]** okay but really what’s wrong with magnus and alec

 **[2fab4u]** asmodeus wants me  
**[2fab4u]** still

 **[#flamingbisexual]** everyone except alec: *collective gasp*

 **[doithetero]** jkjk nothing we’re just weird

 **[imintoblonds]** so you re-broke the hearts of the malec shippers for _no reason_??

 **[#flamingbisexual]** yeah alec not cool

 **[doithetero]** what abt the jimon shippers huh?

 **[2fab4u]** jimon: *awkward silence*

 **[imintoblonds]** jace why are our dads ganging up on us

 **[2fab4u]** we’re not your dads jimon

 **[doithetero]** I know ships  
**[doithetero]** yeaH IM ON TUMBLR TOO

***

 **[imintoblonds]** is this really my life  
**[imintoblonds]** i fucking hate everything

 **[#flamingbisexual]** mood

 **[moveimgay]** relatable

 **[doithetero]** preach

 **[imintoblonds]** oh shit  
**[imintoblonds]** must… fix… misquote…

 **[#flamingbisexual]** ???

 **[moveimgay]** *smirks*

 **[imintoblonds]** IS THIS THE REAL LIFE

 **[moveimgay]** IS THIS JUST FANTASY

 **[#flamingbisexual]** oh i see  
**[#flamingbisexual]** CAUGHT IN A LANDSLIDE NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY

 **[watchmewhip]** OPEN YOUR EYES

 **[2fab4u]** LOOK UP TO THE SKIES AND SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 **[doithetero]** IM JUST A POOR BOY  
**[doithetero]** I NEED NO SYMPATHY

 **[imintoblonds]** CAUSE IM EASY COME EASY GO LITTLE HIGH LITTLE LOW

 **[doithetero]** ANY WAY THE WIND BLOWS

 **[moveimgay]** ANY WAY THE WIND BLOWS DOESN’T REALLY MATTER TO ME

 **[doithetero]** DOESN’T REALLY MATTER TO ME

 **[watchmewhip]** TOOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

***

 _Izzy :) xD opened a voice channel_  
_Alec joined_  
_Simon joined_  
_Clary joined_  
_Jace <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 joined_  
_Magnus cannot tolerate your emojis joined_

Jace: Oh, shit. The colors don’t show up.

 _Jace <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 change his nickname to Jace_  
_Izzy :) xD changed her nickname to Izzy_  
_Magnus cannot tolerate your emojis changed his nickname to Magnus_

Alec: Who wants to play a game?

Clary, Jace, Izzy: Eh, whatever’s cool.

Simon: ME!

Alec: *laughs* Okay, I guess Simon’s going first. I’m going to ask you a bunch of questions and I just want you to answer with the first thing you think of.

Simon: Oh, this game. Got it.

Alec: What’s your name?

Simon: Simon.

Alec: Lewis or Lovelace?

Simon: Lightwood.

Izzy: Aw… love you, Si!

Simon: Love you too, Iz.

Alec: Star Wars or Star Trek?

Simon: Star Wars. Star Trek doesn’t hold a candle. Like, I love Next Gen and everything, but it’s just not even-

Alec: WHO’S THE BEST BROADWAY STAR OF ALL TIME?

Simon: Thank you for cutting off my nerd attack. Neil Patrick Harris, aka my personal gay hero. Besides you, Alec.

Alec: How do you sexually identify?

Simon: I’m pansexual.

Alec: What’s your gender identity?

Simon: That one’s harder… I’m cis or agender, and I use he/him pronouns.

Alec: How many people have you dated in your life?

Simon: More than you.

Alec: … I am personally offended.

Simon: Can one be impersonally offended?

Alec: Shut up, Simon.

Simon: Three. I have dated three people. Clary, Izzy, and Maia. It’s still more than you though.

Alec: Go fuck yourself. Who’s the hottest person in our friend group?

Simon: Jace.

Jace: Obviously.

Alec: Who are you in love with?

Simon: Jace.  
Simon: Shit.  
Simon: I mean…  
Simon: Yeah. Jace.

Jace: …

 _Simon left the voice chat_  
_Jace left the voice chat_  
_Izzy disbanded the voice chat_

***

23:44

Thursday, February 9

From – Jace [2 hours ago]: 28 messages

From – Nobody Is Straight Groupchat [1 minute ago]: 64 messages

***

PMs Between doithetero and imintoblonds

**[imintoblonds]** thanks a lot, Alec, for ruining my relationship with Jace

***

** Nobody Is Straight Groupchat **

**[#flamingbisexual]** Simon  
**[#flamingbisexual]** Simon I will literally stay up all night blowing up your phone until you answer me

 **[moveimgay]** and all of ours!!!

_#flamingbisexual is typing…  
#flamingbisexual entered text_

**[imintoblonds]** Jace whatever you’re about to say you can shove it up your ass  
**[imintoblonds]** you think I don’t know you’re not into me? save your breath  
**[imintoblonds]** i wish you could learn to just leave well enough alone

 **[#flamingbisexual]** I love you too

 **[imintoblonds]** …

***

 **[moveimgay]** guys I think we broke Simon

 **[#flamingbisexual]** no simon is fine

 **[imintoblonds]** no it was just jace

 **[doithetero]** two very different reactions at the same time

 **[imintoblonds]** were making out leave us alone

 **[2fab4u]** alexaaaaaaaaaaaaander why don’t we do that

 **[doithetero]** come over here and maybe we can

 **[2fab4u]** I don’t want to walk all the way across my living room

 **[moveimgay]** of course Alec’s at the loft

 **[2fab4u]** don’t start, biscuit

 **[watchmewhip]** {attachment: 1 image}  
**[watchmewhip]** they’re lying look at them just playing with each others’ hair im in heaven

 **[imintoblonds]** stfu  
**[imintoblonds]** also Jace ik we’re in the same room but they’ll want to bear witness to this moment  
**[imintoblonds]** I love you so much

 **[watchmewhip]** awwwwwwww

 **[moveimgay]** aaaaaawwwwww

 **[doithetero]** aw

 **[2fab4u]** how disgusting

 **[doithetero]** Magnus we’re exactly like them

 **[2fab4u]** yes I know, Alexander darling  
**[2fab4u]** but we’re not disgusting

 **[doithetero]** yes we are  
**[doithetero]** simon will you forgive me now

 **[imintoblonds]** yes alec I forgive you  
**[imintoblonds]** now let me be with my bf in peace


End file.
